The Weekend I Spent Analyzing My Life Because of the Internet

 images (1)This weekend has been quite different than what I had planed. The majority of my waking hours was spent on Saturday feeling conflicted. Part of me was feeling ecstatic that a piece I had written was on the front of a wildly, successful online magazine. Writing for xoJane had been a writing goal for so long, and contributing over the past 9 months has been incredible.

My goal has as always been to connect with others through my writing- so someone out there going through similar situations won’t feel so alone. As a writer, the fact that the comments have continued to pour in (last time I check it was at 502) is also an incredible win. People are reading, clicking, and sharing my story. Someone other than my grandmother is taking the time to read and talk about what I have to say. 

The other part of me is mentally wrestling with myself. I would say 85-90% of the comments have been uplifting and full of constructive criticism. I have gotten AMAZING online dating advice and can’t wait to try it out. It was the advice I was looking for from readers. There have also been lovely emails sent to me from readers saying their experiencing the same thing, or have in the past. Again- it was a goal of the article to strike a chord with women facing similar struggles.
haters gonna hate unicornWhat i didn’t expect was the hateful, mean, body shaming feedback from the 10%. The ones that brought my deepest insecurities to light. The comments that have started to unravel my positive body image I’ve worked so freaking hard in therapy each week to repair. The comments that want me to know that I’m fat and boring, so no man will want to be in my presences. And that I must be going out of my league, because apparently ‘girls like me’ don’t deserve to be in relationships. 

I did not expect this on xoJane, especially since it is a website that prides itself on being non-judgmental platform created by a community of women who are supposed to encourage each other. The majority of feed back has been all of these things, but the ones that haven’t have just baffled me.

So some people have asked to I regret writing about this topic. Hell no– I am 100% standing behind my piece.

f4b8458177ce81e59316cecfb82dbba2To the commenters that gave constructive advice on how to better my dating profile through changing the bio and including photos featuring me doing more active things, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are the reason I love xoJane. You are the reason I continue writing about my life. You are the reason the internet rocks.

And to all of you who have used this space to body shame and make women who are a certain size feel unlovable: Thank you for reminding me that we has a society have A LOT of work to do. 

3 thoughts on “The Weekend I Spent Analyzing My Life Because of the Internet

  1. Yay, I commented with an offer to help you with your profile (standing offer til infinite:P) I liked your article a lot, it really spoke personally to me. It sucks about the 10%…I once had someone who had met me anonymously write that I had “saggy boobs and looked like I was in my 40s”. It hit me SO HARD and I still remember it 10 years later.


  2. Hey Patrice, I agree with you that sometimes people in the comments can be total jerks. But, lets face it, xoJane isn’t really a safe space! Maybe it once was, but at this point, with the breadth of the audience it is reaching, it’s just a public website. Those are just the dangerous of being a wildly popular women’s website!


  3. The fact that you’ve read the comments which were primarily negative, and rightly so, makes me think you have a tenuous grab on reality. Your profile was boring and borderline troublesome. Instead of bathing in the glory that 500 or so people read your pitiful attempt at being the next Carrie Bradshaw, try to learn from this embarrassment.


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