1. “Thank you.” (After receiving a compliment)
What did she mean by “good work?” Is that sarcasm? Is my work so blatantly awful that saying it’s “good” is obviously a mockery? Does she secretly hate me? On what level does she hate me? Is it like, I-hope-you-die-in-a-fiery-car-crash hate, or just I-hope-your-internet-goes-out-at-a-crucial-moment-and-on-your-way-to-a-nearby-coffee-shop-to-use-their-Wi-Fi-you-get-stuck-in-traffic hate?
2. “I’m really sorry.” (After hurting someone’s feelings.)
I genuinely apologize and if it makes you feel any better, I’ll spend the next 1-15 years sporadically thinking about this moment in which I’ve upset you, full of regret. Seriously, rest assured knowing that whether you accept my apology or not, this will not soon be forgotten.
3. “Hey, give me a call back ASAP!”
I just called and because you didn’t answer, my mind is playing out a bunch of horrible scenarios in which you’ve died. That’s right, if I reach your voicemail, I…
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